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Let Them, Let Me: Reclaiming Peace with Mel Robbins’ Boundary-Setting Theory



Letting it all get to you.
Letting it all get to you.

I’ve been diving into Mel Robbins’ book recently, and one idea that really stood out to me—something I think we all need right now—is her simple but radical “Let Them” theory.

It’s not just a mindset shift. It’s a nervous system reset. And it might be the most important emotional boundary you can create.

This simple practice can free up more time and give you more capacity to work on the things you truly want to create. It can help you sleep better and help you create a better waking life. One that is more expansive, positive, and calm.


There are two key parts to the theory:


  1. Let them. 

    Let them judge. Let them walk away. Let them be inconsistent, late, forgetful, or not who you expected. Let them make their choices—because they will anyway. And when you stop trying to control or correct everyone else, you free up energy for what actually matters.

  2. Let me.

  Let me stay grounded. Let me honor my needs. Let me say no, walk away, change my mind, or simply choose peace over drama. Let me protect my energy without guilt. This is where the real shift happens—when you stop reacting to others and start responding to yourself.



✨ Part 1: Let Them


We often spend a lot of energy trying to control other people. We don’t always call it that—but when we obsess over why someone did something, try to fix how others see us, or chase people who pull away, that’s exactly what’s happening.


We're grasping for safety through control.


Mel says: Let them.

Let them text back or not

Let them misunderstand you

Let them flake

Let them live their lives on their timeline, not yours.


It is important to note that I am not talking about toxic positivity, apathy or bypassing.

It is living into your emotional maturity. It’s choosing peace over reactivity. When you let people be who they are, you also let yourself off the hook for managing their behavior or reactions. You stop trying to make someone hear you. You stop expecting them to be the person you want them to be, and you start seeing them as they are. It is like the old saying, people will show you who they are by their actions. If someone is showing you something about them, believe them.


It doesn't mean you don’t care. It means you stop carrying what isn’t yours.


✨ Part 2: Let Me


Here’s the part we often skip: Let me. Let me talk about taking ownership of the actions you do next and taking a moment to identify what actions are best for you. Instead of reacting, it is about pausing to really connect with what is best for you in the long run.


Let me speak up. 

Let me say no. 

Let me rest. 

Let me protect my peace. 

Let me choose growth, even if others stay the same.


“Let me” is about reconnecting with your agency. It’s a quiet rebellion against people-pleasing and a return to what you need to feel safe, seen, and whole.


Together, let them and let me form the foundation of emotional boundaries that aren’t based on controlling others, but on honoring yourself. Part of honoring yourself is realizing that boundaries play a role.


Boundaries Are Not Walls


Let’s talk about boundaries. Because “Let Them” doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re choosing to care for yourself first.

Boundaries say, “This is what I will accept. This is how I deserve to be treated. This is where I end, and someone else begins.”

And when someone crosses those boundaries? Instead of spiraling into anxiety or resentment or people-pleasing... you say: Let them. Let them be who they are. And you choose how you respond.

You choose the distance. You choose a hard conversation. You choose no response. But you choose.


It sounds easy, but it can be hard to change how you have been responding to life. If you are in a reactionary state and you have been that way for a long time, it can be hard to change old patterns, so be kind to yourself. Sometimes you will react ina way that is not in your best interest. This is a practice of self-reflection. Asking yourself, "Why am I so mad at this Instagram post?" "Why am I so mad at my friend for cancelling on me?" "Why does my friend cancel on me all the time?" "Why am I trying to control this interaction? What do I need?"



📝 Journaling Prompts for Reflection & Practice


Grab your journal or voice memo app and spend a few minutes with each of these prompts:


  1. Who or what have I been trying to control lately, and why?


  2. What would it feel like to truly “let them”—to stop fixing, chasing, or explaining?


  3. What do I need to give myself permission to feel or do right now? Let me…


  4. What relationships or patterns have taught me it’s not safe to set boundaries? Are those beliefs still serving me?


  6. How can I start honoring my needs today without apology?



A Few Final Thoughts


If you’ve been feeling drained by drama, stuck in loops of overthinking, or overwhelmed by other people’s behavior, this theory offers a powerful invitation to pause, breathe, and choose yourself—gently but firmly.


The “Let Them” theory reminds us that boundaries don’t push people away—they pull us closer to what matters: clarity, alignment, and peace.

Let them be late. Let them not text back. Let them doubt you. Let them leave.

And you? Let yourself rise.

Let yourself feel free.

Let yourself rest.

Let yourself be loved—by you.


Because in letting them… you free yourself.



Juliana J Bruno

For more on this topic, listen to my podcast:




 
 
 

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