Today, we are talking about finding joy and self-worth. It sounds easy, but we all know it can sometimes be challenging.
By changing your relationship to negative outcomes, you will change your life in profound ways. Many things can help you level up your quality of life. These three simple techniques will help you find more joy and ease in life.
Remember, balance is important. I am not saying you become the most positive person out there, only to welcome positivity into your life more readily.
These three things can help you find joy and improve your outlook.
#1 Replacing "I hope that________ happens," with "I am worthy of_________ happening."
I have a love-hate relationship with hope. I understand how beautiful it is to have hope, especially when things are rough when there is rebuilding to do. Hope can be a game changer when the road seems long and you are trying to maintain your motivation. Hope can be refreshing. Hope that something can be fixed, repaired, or made good again is needed for change. It is a positive response rather than a negative one. That is a good thing!
But when you apply "I hope" to things you can change immediately or small chronic things that you want to change, you are forever keeping the goal in the future. Replacing "I hope that _____ happens" with "I am worthy of______ happening" is a mental game changer.
For example, when job hunting, saying something to yourself like, "I hope I can get a better job" is fine, but saying, "I am worthy of a better job," has more power. Adopting More "I am worthy of___" internal dialog can profoundly change your self-outlook and internal dialog and help foster self-love.
If you believe in manifestation, using "I am worthy of____" puts the thoughts you want to achieve in the present tense and not in the future. “I hope” is a future desire. It will always be in the future, something you hope will happen someday. "I am worthy of ____" is now, right now, you are worthy of this change.
Using this powerful tool, I have gotten every desired job, including my current book deal. This mantra helped me perform better at job interviews, book pitches, etc. It has been a game changer for how I view myself; the "I am worthy of" mindset bled into everything else. It started with I am worthy of a better job and became worthy of love, happiness, joy, relationships, a nice place to live, and so on.
#2 Make a list of positive responses to negative happenings.
What positive things do you do to get out of a negative headspace, overcome something triggering, or respond to something unfavorable?
Maybe it is a long walk in nature, cute cat videos, a call to a good friend, counting to 10 slowly, breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, or whatever you do that helps you move through something painful or uncomfortable. Avoid writing down quick fixes or knee-jerk responses. What are the things you can do to be more nurturing to yourself?
Refer to the list when something comes up rather than using a quick fix. For me, my quick fix might be eating a bag of cookies. I might feel fine about doing this for the first two cookies, but if I eat more than that, I start to feel bad and disappointed in myself. I end up feeling worse using the quick fix than if I had thought to go on a walk around the block or call a friend.
Having the list replaces your quick fixes with something that is more sustainable. We often never think about what to do beyond a quick fix. Of course, the quick fixes happen. Rants happen. Ranting about something has its place, but having a more balanced response provides more opportunities for expression and processing. People who choose an angry response to every challenge life presents tend to taint their perspective on life. They tend to become more negative overall, which is hard for others to deal with and erodes your quality of life in many ways. Finding balance with anger ranting is extremely important.
#3 Replace judgment with empathy and give the positive as much energy as the negative.
If you listened to my podcast on negativity bias, you heard me talk about this.
We all tend to remember trauma much more vividly than we remember happy times.
We all tend to hear negative comments more acutely than positive feedback.
We all react more strongly or are drawn to negative stories, events, and other stimuli than positive ones.
We tend to remember negative events or comments more than positive ones.
When making decisions, we tend to think more deeply about what can go wrong than what can go right.
We learn more from negative events than positive ones.
Studies show that we may even believe lousy news more than we might believe good news.
We may be more motivated by imagining what we will lose if we don't achieve than what we will gain.
It is human nature to give the negative events more attention than the positive ones. Change this for yourself by celebrating the good as much as you dwell on the bad.
You may think this is silly, but try it; you will see how much more energy you give to the negative than you do to the positive. For one day, try to only look at positive, feel-good stories on your news feed and ignore the horrendous, sad, or infuriating stories. You will see how hard it is!
Align with giving equal time to the positive, and try not to judge negatively.
Be more gracious with things.
Be more tender toward people rather than assuming the worst all the time. People have often told me that when they first met me, they thought I was unapproachable when, in actuality, I am just a shy person.
Let judgment go. Often, our judgments aren't even factual; instead, they are based on fears.
Be Good to Yourself as You Shift
Of course, some days, you will eat a bag of cookies instead of going on a walk. Somedays, you will be frustrated, angry, and hopeless. Somedays, you will be negative and judgemental. Somedays, you are not going to think you are worthy of anything. This is called being human. What matters is that you return to working on leading a happy, positive, and fulfilling life. That you let love in and that you give it away.
Living wholly and entirely in life comes with many mistakes, wrong turns, and regrets. When this happens, reroute, regroup, and restart when necessary. Life is about balance. Living in a space of optimism and understanding will help you weather the bad days just a little bit more gracefully.
Remember that you are human; mistakes are part of the game, but you also hold the power to make them meaningful in positive ways. You can change your outlook by applying the three steps above and turning them into opportunities to grow and learn. I know we hear a lot about this these days, but it is essential to find a way to attach a neutral or positive meaning to unpleasant situations. That is why sayings like, when one door closes, another opens, are part of daily conversation. We need to see things in a different light to move through them. Otherwise, we become stuck, looking at the closed door and being sad about it. Not moving through things creates negative self-beliefs. Negative beliefs can hold us back from success, joy, deeper connections, and positive relationships.
As always, my friends, know I love and support you. Take good care!
Want to explore this more deeply? Book a free exploratory meeting with me! https://www.julianajbruno.com/book-online
Learn more by listening to my Podcast! https://linktr.ee/i.care.about.you.podcast
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